Lichfield woman shares story of 'living wake' for Dying Matters Week

Julie Ashford-Martin's husband, Richard, was cared for at St Giles Hospice before he died in March 2018 at the age of 46. In his final months, the couple and their friends hosted a celebration of life that Richard could participate in – giving him "one last party" surrounded by loved ones.

This moving experience later inspired the creation of Groovy Festival, keeping Richard's memory and spirit alive through music and community.

Julie, 57, is now speaking out to encourage others to have open conversations about death and dying, as part of this year's Dying Matters campaign which focuses on 'The Culture of Dying Matters'.

Reflecting on their experience with St Giles Hospice, Julie said: "We were referred to St Giles by our doctor. We had their at-home team coming to us for about a year, and then Richard came here for the last week of his life. The St Giles team made the worst week of my life into something that me and his children and our friends still talk about with fondness.The beautiful team there even allowed us to have a friend come and play his guitar and sing to to him at the end of his bed."

Julie believes strongly in choice at the end of life: "You choose through your life, most of us choose what we do... we should be able to choose how we die as well, and I don't think people have that choice."

Her perspective on grief and remembrance offers comfort to others facing loss: "Death is part of life and maybe we need to rethink how we think about that because it's not the end. Because as long as you talk about people, the memories are there which keeps them with you."

Julie added: "It doesn't have to be sad. I've got the most incredible memories of the things that we did and the music we listened to and the festivals we went to and the living wake that we had. That gets me through because it isn't all about sadness, it's about remembering the good times as well instead of focusing just on the bad."

The Groovy Festivals continue in his memory, having raised to date around £42,000, and next year's event is already being planned.

The peaceful end of life care provided by St Giles Hospice made a profound difference: "Here helped us do that because the end wasn't bad, it was peaceful and beautiful, so that helped massively."

Julie concluded with a powerful message from Richard who said: "Some say you only live once, and it's no, you don't – you only die once. You live every day."

Dying Matters Awareness Week, running from 5-11 May, aims to break down the stigma and taboo around discussing death and dying. This year's theme, 'The Culture of Dying Matters', explores how different communities approach death while recognising the universal emotions we all share.