'You can’t spoil a child with too much love' - Shelley’s 16-year fostering journey with Nexus Fostering

With a strong background in early years education, she spent much of her career working with children from disadvantaged backgrounds in nurseries and children’s centres. It was in one of these settings that her passion to do more came about.

“I remember a really sad situation with a little girl at the nursery,” Shelley recalls. “We were deeply worried about her welfare over the school holidays. I even contacted the local authority to see if I could help, but at the time, I was living in a one-bedroom flat, and it just wasn’t possible.”

That moment stayed with Shelley. And after meeting her partner and learning that she couldn’t have children of her own, her purpose became clear. “I knew children were meant to be in my life, and that’s when I decided fostering would be my focus.”

In 2009, Shelley’s fostering journey officially began. “I called around a few agencies, but I had a really good feeling about Nexus Fostering straight away,” she says. During the ‘Skills to Foster’ course, she and her partner met another couple who lived just up the road. 

As fate would have it, they had their first placements at the same time, they both had siblings, “We had a six-month-old baby boy and a two-year-old girl.” It worked out really well, we supported each other, offered respite, and built a friendship through the process.”

Although Shelley and her husband had once hoped to adopt, her IVF treatment at the time created a conflict of interest, and they chose to continue fostering instead. When their daughter was born, Shelley continued caring for other children. “But when she turned four, she started struggling with goodbyes. It was hard for her when the children moved on, so we decided to take a break and focus on her.”

Life brought change, as it often does. After her marriage ended and she was made redundant, Shelley made the decision to return to fostering, this time as a single carer. She reached out to Nexus again, and after a reassessment, was approved to continue. Her daughter, now older, embraced the idea. “I remember her saying, ‘If we can help keep some children safe, that’s all that matters, Mummy.’ That moment meant everything.”

Shelley began caring for teenagers through Nexus' Care+ and 360 packages, which support children with higher-level needs. “Teenagers are a different kind of challenge. They have independence, you can’t just stop them going out. I’ve had a few who’ve tried to run away. It’s heartbreaking when you’ve done everything you can and later see them repeat traumatic cycles, like going into abusive relationships or having their own children taken into care.”

She continues, “You can’t help everyone, and that’s hard. I try to tell them: ‘You can let your past govern your future, or you can let it change your future. Only you can make that choice.’”

Eventually, Shelley and her daughter decided to focus on fostering younger school-aged children to better match their family’s needs. They now care for a 10-year-old girl who has been with them for over a year. The child is under a complex care package with Nexus Fostering due to global developmental delay and social-emotional challenges.

“Her background is one of the saddest I’ve encountered,” Shelley shares. “The judge described her case as some of the worst neglect and abuse they’d seen in a long time. She and her three siblings had suffered severe trauma and were split up. They had a trauma bond from what they’d lived through.”

The emotional toll can be heavy. “She’s very attached to me and struggles to share my attention, especially with my daughter. And the full extent of her trauma only became clear after she arrived and still unravelling now. She’d been taught that professionals were ‘bad,’ and so she finds it difficult to trust anyone but me.”

There have been episodes of violence, Shelley admits. “We later found out she and her siblings were rewarded with sweets for hurting each other. The referral didn’t reflect that, so much is unknown until they’re in your care.”

Support from Nexus has been vital. “They’ve arranged clinical sessions, a support worker, and I have my sister and friends, who are amazing. My sister has a brilliant bond with our young girl and is looking after her when I go on holiday.”

Despite the challenges, Shelley’s motivation remains strong. “The difference you can make is why I continue. It’s not always obvious in the moment, but when they leave and reflect, they remember. Some get back in touch years later.”

One young woman Shelley fostered had to be moved from her birth family due to trafficking risks. “She’s now gone onto live independently, has two children of her own, and she’s doing really well. She invited us to her wedding and said, ‘I want you at all my big events. I wouldn’t be here without you.’”

Other children have said things that leave lasting impressions. “One told me, ‘If I can be half the mum, you were to me, I know I’ll be doing a good job.’ Some still ring me asking how to cook something or how to use the washing machine.”

Looking back on 16 years of fostering, Shelley says, “It’s challenging, rewarding, gratifying, and exhausting, all in one. I’ve cried for every child who has left my care. But that’s how I know I’ve loved them properly. Many of them never had that before. You can’t spoil a child with too much love. I just hope my bit of love helps them feel something.”

Her advice to anyone considering fostering? “Go into it with your eyes open, and make sure you have a strong support network. It will affect your personal and professional life, but its life changing. You can’t buy the difference you see in these children’s lives.”

If Shelley’s fostering journey has inspired you, why not take the first step? Contact Nexus Fostering on 0800 389 0143, visit nexusfostering.co.uk, or visit their upcoming fostering information drop in on Wednesday 21^st May at their local Telford office (Montford House, Suite 1 & 2, St Georges Court, Donnington, TF2 7AS).