Parents should stop being ‘child’s friend’ over phones – children’s commissioner

Parents should stop trying to be their “child’s friend” over phone usage, the children’s commissioner has said.

Dame Rachel de Souza said parenting must not be outsourced to professionals, adding “if we are serious about protecting our children, we have to look at our own behaviour”.

In an article for the Sunday Times, Dame Rachel wrote: “The temptation as a parent to give in to a child’s pleas is a real one. Every parent has been in that position.

“A new smartphone, ignoring the nagging voice in your head that questions it, because ‘all my friends have one’, despite knowing how much time you spend on your own smartphone.”

She added: “You are not supposed to be your child’s friend. Sometimes being the parent means making difficult decisions in your child’s long-term interests, no matter how loudly they disagree. They need you to give them love, understanding, support and boundaries.

“It means listening to your child, always encouraging the height of their aspirations, but not just doing exactly what they want.”

Nearly a quarter of children spend more than four hours a day on an internet-enabled device, a survey for the children’s commissioner suggested earlier this month.

A YouGov poll of 502 children in England aged eight to 15 found that 23% spend more than four hours a day using an internet-enabled device with a screen, such as a computer, phone, tablet or gaming console.

One in four (25%) spend two to three hours a day on such a device, while a fifth (20%) spend three to four hours a day, according to the survey, which was carried out in March and April.

Dame Rachel said parents need to “feel confident having challenging conversations with their children about the things they see online”.

She added: “We need parents to give their children the opportunities to talk about violent or sexual content they see online without simply having their device confiscated, because it will find them elsewhere.”

Her comments come amid calls from the National Education Union (NEU) and Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch for the Government to bring in a statutory ban on mobile phones in schools.

Schools in England were given non-statutory Government guidance in February last year intended to stop the use of phones during the school day.

Dame Rachel has previously said banning mobile phones should be a headteacher’s choice rather than imposed nationally by the Government.

Writing in the Sunday Times, Dame Rachel said “schools are only part of the solution”.

She added: “Head teachers have told me that despite their own policies they remain deeply concerned about children’s safety online, because most of the time children spend on their phones is outside school hours when they are in their parents’ care.”

A separate survey by the commissioner, of more than 15,000 state schools in England, suggests the majority of schools are implementing phone policies suggested by the Department for Education (DfE).

The research, published earlier this month, found that 90% of secondary schools questioned, and 99.8% of primary schools, already have policies in place that restrict pupils’ use of mobile phones during the school day.

This included policies banning phones on school grounds, requiring children to hand in phones or leave them in a secure place that they cannot access in the day, or requiring them to be kept out of sight.

Daniel Kebede, general secretary of the NEU, has said it is his “personal view” that the Labour Government should take a stronger stance on restricting mobile phone use in schools.

Last month, Ms Badenoch questioned why the Government opposed a Tory amendment to the Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Bill to require schools to ban the use of phones.

Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer described the proposal as “completely unnecessary” as he claimed “almost every school” already bans phones.