Go your own way on path to happiness

Ever remember making a life plan? Buy a house, get married, find a dream job – usually all by the time you’re 30?

It almost feels the moment you hit 29 a gigantic, fluorescent clock appears alongside you and starts ticking – haven’t achieved your dreams yet?

Tick tick. Haven’t got hitched? Tick tick. Haven’t bought a house? Tick tick tick.

At this big turn of the decade it suddenly seems everyone is popping out children like pez dispensers, posting choreographed videos of their wedding dance on Facebook and flying off to Abu Dhabi first class for business meetings while earning more money than you’ve made in the past five years.

My guilty pleasure is no longer red wine and chocolate on a Friday night, it’s looking up celebrities on Wikipedia to check how old they were when they became successful – J. K. Rowling didn’t find fame till she was 32, there’s still a few years yet to conjure up that best-selling book right?

And what of those rare, alien beings who do supposedly have it all? Are they never affected by crisis, illness, tragedy and loss?

Of course they are, but in this age of Insta and keyhole views into people’s lives, we only get given the happy over-filtered highlights.

Pressure to achieve everything before youth slips away can be suffocating – especially as a woman, we know we have a limited time slot for babies, the eggs are running out, eek!

But luckily, it was in the midst of this panic-stricken pre-30 crisis, that I had a slight epiphany.

Turns out, life isn’t one, long narrow track that we’re all bumping elbows along, fighting to reach the finish line.

No, we each have our own paths, some of which are more winding than others, but, ultimately, it’s our choice which way we go.

It’s ok to not be earning £50k a year, or have 2.5 kids or be on a 2.9 per cent mortgage.

A good man is nice to have but not essential, a good job looks great on paper and is wonderful for the wallet, but won’t necessarily make you happy, and children are a choice – in an already overpopulated world filled with problems sometimes it’s OK to focus on yourself instead of bringing up another person, it’s not selfish to want a life of your own, you only get one after all.

As children, we grew up on fairytales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, which taught women to be patient, meek and mild – do as you’re told and eventually you’ll be saved by a man who will give you your happy ending.

Well I followed the fabled route – a rich man found me, swept me off my feet, bought me an expensive ring, we bought a house, life was pretty much set towards the fantasy happy-ever-after – but I was miserable.

It’s taken me almost three decades to realise you can’t live your life through others – happiness is not a gift to be received from another person, you have to find this precious present within yourself.

Maybe I will marry, maybe I’ll be single, maybe I’ll have kids, maybe I won’t – the beauty is, it’s my decision to make.

There’s no competition and the ticking clock can go choke on a cog.

I’ve stopped panicking and started pacing myself, focusing on goals I want to achieve.

What’s important is to pick the path that makes you happy and follow it.

In the words of Fleetwood Mac – you can go your own way.

• Louise Rouvray is a sub-editor at the Express & Star.