Mum wars are harder than show makes out

‘We looked at at least 10 nurseries before finding the perfect one for little Harry’, one mum said to me. “How many did you look at?”

“Er, one – the one she goes to,” I replied. The one across the road from home because, primarily, it was a safe, loving (and affordable) place to leave our toddler.

And from there, I could hop straight on the bus to work.

I suddenly felt anxious that I hadn’t pored over enough Ofsted reports (or any at all), requested lunchtime menu samples and given the staff the Spanish inquisition on key targets and ethos.

If BBC Three’s Motherland taught us anything it’s that motherhood is a competitive business.

Far from it being the glue that binds women together, a sort of sisterhood Pritt Stick, it’s actually a divisive and ultimately isolating affair.

However, what Motherland fails to acknowledge is exactly how early it starts.

I remember being quizzed about nursery choices by another mum-to-be during a pregnancy yoga class. Was my little one on the waiting list for the local Montessori nursery?

It seems that some couples trot off to view childcare options while still basking in the afterglow of conception.

The only thing on my mind at that very moment was trying to keep my breakfast down...and not passing wind while performing the downward dog.

Fast-forward nine months and, even in those horrendously dark days of nursing a newborn, the competition doesn’t relent – far from it.

Produce a bottle of formula milk and see the breastfeeding brigade recoil in horror; prolonged breastfeed is, apparently, the holy grail of good parenting regardless of whether the child’s follow-on diet consists of Mini Cheddars and Panda Pop.

Surely, whichever method you chose to feed your baby you should be congratulated that you’ve kept a little human alive?

Even the Royal College of Midwives stresses that new mums should be supported if they make an informed decision to bottle feed.

And for goodness sake, don’t whip out a dummy or you’ll be faced with a barrage of comments about ‘ruining orthodontics’ or ‘impairing speech’, regardless of whether it might be a much-loved soother for a distressed baby.

Whatever happened to the adage ‘mum knows best’?

The questioning itself may appear innocuous but the insinuation is lying there like a snake in the grass; it screams ‘you’re a bad mum, I am a better one’.

Being a mum is hard enough without this passive aggressive competition between women. Surely, we all have the same goal: to raise healthy, happy humans?

And wouldn’t it be better, kinder, to give another mum some praise rather than a criticism? You never know, you might get a compliment in return.

Sadly, I don’t expect it to get any better with the tussle for school places on the horizon and the minefield of cake sales and Christmas nativity plays.

And don’t mention children’s birthday parties . . .