Peter Rhodes on table manners, toilet embarrassment and why conscription is a great deal for babyboomers

I dare say everyone will be on their best behaviour for the £50-a-head teas following this summer's guided tours of Balmoral; no slurping and little finger delicately crooked. Which raises an interesting question: what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in a restaurant?

After visiting a charming, rickety old Tudor restaurant where floors are uneven and the doors ill-fitting, I had a look at its online reviews and came across a harrowing account from a lady who, in search of the restaurant's loo, pushed a door. It opened just far enough for her to “make eye contact with a young person on the toilet.” The incident has clearly traumatised her and it's hard to know what to advise anyone caught in a similar pickle. Run. Definitely run.