Peter Rhodes on a loud gun, a baffling portal and the magical art of drama casting

Wrong, sir. It was the absolute, gospel, copper-bottomed truth. As all the best yarns are.

They used to say that Birmingham would be a wonderful city when it was finished.

The same applies to the NHS which always seems to be on the verge of some major medical or communications breakthrough, but isn't.

I have just spent a few jolly hours trying to access the NHS portal which in theory gives you access to your notes and consultants' letters but actually freezes, then demands you submit a security number- which is a number they haven't yet sent you.

At times like this, just to be sure I'm not the only one going batty, I turn to Google. I typed in “NHS portal difficulty” and discovered my query was the latest of about three million. See? They're getting there.

Meanwhile, a report a few days ago suggests that about 250 NHS patients die every week as a result of “lengthy waits in A&E.”

I couldn't help wondering how many NHS patients die while trying to get help online.

Casting is one of the most fascinating parts of movie-making, demanding much imagination and great leaps of faith. Michelle Dockery, still best known as the haughty, elegant Lady Mary in TV's ultimate elegant costume drama, now delivers a blinding performance as Estella in the gritty and compulsively watchable new drama This Town (BBC1).

This means that at some stage someone has asked: “Now, who can we get to play this deranged Brummie alcoholic who is permanently sozzled, seriously unwashed and has an accent like a broken foghorn?” And someone else has said: “I know, what about that posh lady from Downton?” And thus is magic made . . .

Amid health and safety concerns, the daily one o'clock gun salute at Edinburgh Castle may be muffled, possibly with a reduced charge in the artillery shells. I was there some years ago and can testify that it goes off with a hell of a bang.

I was standing behind a party of Chinese students and when the gun fired, every one of them left the ground.