Peter Rhodes on sprinklers, boffins and Britain's history of anti-semitism

“Why no sprinklers?” demands a headline on the massive fire in a multi-storey car park at Luton Airport. But would sprinklers be any use? They work pretty well in enclosed offices where last year's tax demands mysteriously self-ignite at 3am. In a matter of seconds, the whole place is drenched and unburnable.

Luton Airport after a fire ripped through level three of the airport's Terminal Car Park 2, causing it to collapse. The airport has said it is "unlikely that any vehicles will be salvageable" following the fire. Bedfordshire Fire and Rescue Service has received a report about the blaze. Photo: Jordan Pettitt/PA Wire

But how would sprinklers cope in an open-sided car park against a 1,300C blaze involving petrol and car batteries, especially if there's a breeze fanning the flames? Maybe the boffins are working on a fireproof car park. It might be wiser to develop a fireproof car.

Talking of boffins, my phone rings and a jovial lady from Oop North announces: “I am the local energy adviser in your postcode area.” Interrupting her gently I suggest that if she's an energy expert, could she please explain Ohm's Law to me. The line suddenly goes dead.

PS. The usual definition of Ohm's Law is “The current through a conductor between two points is directly proportional to the voltage across the two points.” Another definition is that Ohm is where the 'eart is.

While we may be outraged at the demos against Israel erupting across Britain, remember that anti-semitism was a dark stain on British society long before the mass immigration of people from Muslim lands. When Oswald Mosley was recruiting his fascist gangs in the 1930s, he drew on bigotry that ran so deep, especially in the English upper-class, that few people questioned it, even when it spilled into popular fiction.

Take John Buchan's classic 1915 thriller, The Thirty-Nine Steps, which refers to an alleged global conspiracy to create wars and reap the profits and “the Jew was behind it.” The book's shocking and shameful anti-Jewish language (left out of all four movie adaptations) was gleefully lapped up by millions of British readers. For many years, in business, social life, politics and culture, Jews were fair game. So while we may be horrified by today's anti-Zionist crowds, let's not forget our own chequered past.

There are many definitions of hell, including “other people.” But here's a definition for our time. Hell is getting Covid and bedbugs. Together.