Peter Rhodes on the silly season, incendiary language and the fate of convicts Down Under

It sounds like an inhumane sentence but transportation, often imposed as an alternative to the death penalty, was not always a nightmare.

In his excellent book Empire, historian Niall Ferguson recounts how some enlightened officials in Australia's penal colonies created “a free passage to a new life” for their charges. He relates the tale of five women prisoners in London who complained to their prison governor when their transportation was reduced to a prison term: “They left him in no doubt that they would rather be transported.” Leslie Manville's ancestor Aaron Hardon was one of thousands of British prisoners who stayed in Australia where his proud descendants live to this day.

The silly season rolls on. This time, it's a report called Reframing Race which urges us to avoid racist language such as “associating whiteness with purity, cleanliness and goodness, and blackness with evil and destruction”. Apparently such language creates a “racial hierarchy in which ‘black and minoritised’ people are pushed to the bottom.” So far, so good. Then I noticed that a spokesperson for the report says it is based on “our trailblazing research.” Now, hang on a moment.

“Trailblazing” is clearly an incendiary term. Who knows what mischief it might cause in these bone-dry, globally warmed times? Why, someone might merely see the word “trailblazing” and decide to burn down the New Forest. We definitely need a full report into this report. Questions must be asked. Heads, preferably of several colours, should roll.

I caught a rare TV screening of the 1953 French comedy classic Monsieur Hulot's Holiday. At least it was billed as a comedy. I laughed precisely twice. I fear the movie has not aged well but I dare say after the trauma of the war, the French would laugh at just about anything.

Continuing the Gallic theme, a reader tells me he is studying French: “The first word I learned was hors d'oeuvre, and that's for starters.”