Peter Rhodes on giant lizards, juggling votes and a very different coronation for William

But figures can prove almost anything.

For example, even after almost doubling its membership following the King’s Coronation, Republic boasts only about 9,000 members from a UK population of 68 million.

In other words, only about one person in every 7,500 has joined Mr Smith’s group. A ringing endorsement of republicanism?

Meanwhile, Prince William’s friends have let it be known that his coronation will be very different from his father’s – more “modern and relevant” with no act of homage.

Allow me to suggest something which is not only relevant but also caters to Britain’s growing fascination with bizarre and outlandish theories.

According to one conspiracy, the Royal Family are not humans but giant shape-shifting reptiles from outer space.

What better way to put this to the test than when the new King has his shirt off in the Abbey? Rather than all that tedious stuff about defending the Protestant church, the Archbishop could give the king a thorough check-over for signs of scales, forked tongue, etc and announce the all-clear (“No lizards here!”) to a fanfare of trumpets.

I admit the above is a surprising and unlikely addition to the coronation service. But then so was Penny Mordaunt.

Beware what you wish for. Labour is allegedly planning to extend the vote to EU citizens and lower the voting age to 16.

This is based on the theory that Europeans and kids are natural Labour voters. But are they?

Europe is no socialist Utopia; it has many right-wing movements and millions of EU citizens viewed Brexit not with horror but envy.

As for grabbing the youth vote, Britain lowered the voting age from 21 to 18 in 1969.

Since then we have elected more Tory governments than Labour.

If some projections come true, net migration into Britain next year could top one million.

It was only a matter of time. Half the world is on the move and we should be wary of politicians who say they know how to stop it.