Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on a TV classic, low-cal soup and the perils of sex in space

Important message to all blokes of a certain age. Channel 4 is streaming P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang. If you need that explaining, you probably wouldn't enjoy it.

Published
Abigail Cruttenden and John Albasiny in P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang

Total diet replacement based on a “soup and shakes” regime has been proved to reduce your weight and even reverse the onset of type 2 diabetes. The NHS will soon be rolling out these low-calorie ready meals – and good luck with that.

I suspect the soups and shakes will work only for patients with the willpower to stick rigidly to the diet. Human nature being what it is, some patients will regard the NHS grub as a miracle cure – and others will see it as the first course.

I dislike over-complicated cars and, as I discovered from a clear-out of old stuff a few days ago, I'm not alone and it's not a new thing. In 2019, Mercedes Enthusiast magazine launched a broadside at some systems which it called “actually dangerous”. It went on: “In the race to innovate and wow, car companies are taking their eyes off the fact that people are buying cars, not devices.”

That was four years ago and the gizmos just keep on arriving. Some of today's new cars have 3,000 microprocessors. Chips with everything

Some serious lobbying is clearly going on in the campaign to remove VAT from purchases made by foreigners in this country. To believe some reports (“Hated tourist levy”, Daily Mail) you'd think the UK economy was collapsing because wealthy trippers in Harvey Nicks or Harrods must pay the same as Brits. But if tourist VAT is scrapped, who would fill the fiscal black hole? You and me, brother.

Researchers at Cranfield University believe sex in space is only a matter of time as the world's wealthy queue up for tourist trips into orbit. Honeymoons many miles high are an obvious attraction but first dates in space have also been suggested. In your dreams, chaps. In real life, how many men could overcome the stress and fear of being blasted into space for the first time, and then make mad, passionate love with somebody they've only just met? Sorry about this, luv. It's never happened before . . . .