Peter Rhodes on publishing spoofs, praising heaven and an alternative to the White House

You take my point that the world is now such a mad place that there’s no longer any space for April Fools’ Day spoofs?

I spent a few hours flicking through last Saturday’s newspapers looking for items that might have been April 1 gags.

Sort the bones out of this lot: The BBC is ridiculed for a new weather map with towns and cities in the wrong place; Britain’s new Indo-Pacific trade agreement is a big deal; an American citizen with both sets of genitalia is suing to be recognised as nonbinary; Donald Trump could be president from a jail cell; heat pumps work.

As far as I’m aware, they’re all genuine reports.

And what about that report of the Pope looking relieved and joking that he is “still alive” after hospital treatment for bronchitis?

Curious, isn’t it, how even pontiffs, while preaching about what a wonderful, serene and eternally glorious place Paradise is, have no great desire to get there?

In fact, there’s a good case for rewriting the dictionary definition of the word “heavenly”. Perhaps this: “Adjective describing a destination praised by all but avoided at all costs.”

All fed up with Prince Harry doing his stern-crusader face as he confronted the Daily Mail in the High Court?

Me too. For him it is clearly a personal vendetta and he probably has no idea how different his views are from those of the public he is (or rather, was) supposed to serve.

As a long-serving hack I may be biased but I like to believe most folk take the view that the Press, for all its many faults, does more in the average day to inform, educate, entertain and empower the British people than the monarchy has done in a thousand years.

Lies, damned lies and bins. Beware of politicians promising to freeze council tax.

A number of UK councils have launched “subscription” schemes for green bins, charging £30 or £40 a year for a garden-waste collection that used to be free. A few have also claimed to have frozen their council-tax demands. Your bill is frozen – so that’ll be an extra 40 quid, thanks.