Rhodes on priests for Putin, Boris does a Sinatra and a lose-lose situation for the police

The stripping and intimate searching of Child Q, a 15-year-old black girl at a London school, was demeaning, brutal, traumatising and unproductive. It has exposed the Metropolitan Police to yet another accusation of institutional racism.

But what if we could rewind the clock? This time the police, summoned by teachers who allege the girl smells of cannabis, decline to get involved and tell the school to sort it out. The headlines would be: 'Cops refuse to help school fight drugs'. Few situations are win-win but this one was always going to be lose-lose.

While some brave clerics in the Russian Orthodox Church have condemned Putin's invasion of Ukraine, the top brass are still backing him. The church's position was summed up by its head, Patriarch Kirill who congratulated Putin for “high and responsible service to the people of Russia”.

When you're destroying an entire nation, bombing ancient cities to rubble, massacring civilians and turning 10 million people into refugees, isn't it good to know that God is on your side?

If you want to spread an epidemic, there is no better way than to bring together a large group of people from many parts of your nation and lock them in armoured vehicles. There's a growing number of online reports suggesting that Putin's army in Ukraine may be riddled with Covid-19. It's not just a question of men being sick and demoralised. Over the past two years, because of Covid, the Russian Army has cut back on training exercises, not only reducing its battle skills but allowing vehicles and other equipment to stand idle and decay.

We should be wary of rash comparisons and wishful thinking but in H G Wells' 1897 novel, The War of the Worlds, it was not guns or battleships that saved the planet but a humble virus spreading among the invaders.

What do Boris Johnson and Frank Sinatra have in common? Over recent weeks Boris the Buffoon has been transformed into Boris the Statesman, pledging endless support to embattled Ukraine. And then, in a moment of blinding silliness, he likens the desire of Ukrainians to be free to the Brexit vote. The Sinatra connection? Just when your date seems to be going well, “then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid . . .”