Peter Rhodes on religion, politics, mint imperials and the national sport of taking offence

This week's event in the national I Can Take More Offence Than You contest opens with Oxford University suggesting that Imperial measurements, such as the mile, yard, inch, pound and ounce, are “tied deeply to the idea of Empire” and should be “decolonised” from the curriculum.

This is bracing stuff, especially if you ignore the puzzling fact that the world's biggest user of Imperial measurements is also the world's most successful federal republic and spent many years striving to dismantle the British Empire. It is, of course, the United States of America where the locals are proud to be measured in feet and weighed in pounds.

And if Imperial measurements are to be publicly harangued and decolonised (whatever that means), is it not time to root out Mint Imperials? I saw a packet only the other day. These sweets are not only imperialistic but offensively, hideously and exclusively white.

It seemed such a good idea. But the blocking of roads to create clean, green Low Traffic Neighbourhoods (LTN) in London has brought complaints from police unable to catch fleeing criminals. Paramedics, too, warn that the closures and other measures are causing delays in answering 999 calls. One officer says it's only a matter of time before someone perishes because the emergency services couldn't get through in time. Yes, we all want a greener world. But not enough to die for.

The Covid-vaccine mantra “No-one's safe until we're all safe” applies equally to polluting cars. Alok Sharma, president of the Cop 26 climate conference, says all countries should commit to banning the sale of petrol and diesel-powered vehicles from 2040.

He's right. If half the world does the decent thing on time and the other half delays for a decade or so, you can bet that our old, polluting UK-registered bangers will quietly vanish into containers and reappear in the laggard countries where, in time, they will pump the same old muck into our lungs. Eventually, we all share the same atmosphere.

I dare say many religious people in public life utter an occasional prayer to God, angels, archangels, saints, shrines or a variety of deities. No-one would dream of drawing attention to such things or, worse, making a political issue of them. So why the raised eyebrows and mockery of the new leader of the Democratic Unionist Party, Edwin Poots? He is a “young-Earth creationist” who believes our planet is only 6,000 years old.

Over the years Poots has faced ridicule from the media (“Are religious politicians 'nutters'?” BBC, 2007, etc) and he's had another dose of derision in the past few days. So some religious beliefs are fair game but others are not? Who makes up the rules?

Final thoughts on the evils of imperial references and measurements. How much longer can a progressive, woke society tolerate Cussons Imperial Leather, a brand of soap whose name not only celebrates the legacy of imperialism but is also grossly offensive to vegans? Isn't this fun?