Peter Rhodes on happy cyclists, a poorly fox and how to keep orders simple

A reader writes: “Will the Government allow a staggered entry into pubs? After all, most of us drinkers are familiar with making a staggered exit.”

An injured fox cub no bigger than a cat, curled up in a neighbour's yard and fell asleep. It was a hot day so they made a shade for it with a sheet and phoned the RSPCA who sent someone to take the cub away for treatment. The puzzling part is why a suffering wild animal, against all the rules of nature and a million years of evolution, chose to trust the humans rather than get as far away as possible.

I'm sure we're all enjoying the national debate about what a caring, sharing, cleaner and greener society we will create after this virus clears off. My eye was caught by a gushy feature about all the benefits that lockdown might bring on our roads. It was illustrated with an image of a cyclist passing a rainbow flag with the headline: “Imagine the UK getting rid of road rage, congestion and exhaust fumes for ever.” Because you never see an angry cyclist, do you?

Stay alert. Got it? And don't even think of asking how you are supposed to be alert for a virus you can't see which can infect you for up to 14 days without any symptoms and can survive on hard surfaces for three days while mutating dozens of times. You stay alert. I'm staying at home.

For the past two months you have followed Whitehall's advice to the letter, keeping your distance to protect yourself, your family and your neighbours from the virus. And suddenly you get an official command to report to a big building in a city some miles away where you will be stuck in a room with 11 strangers for days, or possibly weeks. It is a jury summons. After an eight-week hiatus, jury trials are being re-started in England and Wales. I wonder how many jury summonses will go straight in the bin.

I could not hear Boris Johnson's complicated10-minute speech on easing the virus lockdown without being reminded of the blissfully straightforward mobilisation order issued by the Emperor of Ethiopia, Haile Selassie, when Italy attacked his country in 1935.

The emperor's order is still used at Sandhurst to teach officer cadets that it is perfectly possible to express big ideas in simple terms: “All men and boys able to carry a spear go to Addis Ababa. Every married man will bring his wife to cook and wash for him. Every unmarried man will bring any unmarried woman he can find to cook and wash for him. Women with babies, the blind, and those too aged and infirm to carry a spear are excused. Anyone found at home after receiving this order will be hanged.” Any questions? Thought not. Take note, Boris.