Peter Rhodes: Chlorine-washed baloney

IF the name fits. My eye was caught by a feature on the urgent need to defend the British countryside, by the editor of Country Life. Mark Hedges.

THE important thing when you're picking other people up on their mistakes is to be 100 per cent accurate yourself. My thanks to the reader who admonishes me with: "There never was a Princess Diana" and that "she acquired her title by her marriage to the Price of Wales." And what might the Price of Wales be? Highest suggestion so far is a fiver, which seems mean.

IN any case, like every other hack of a certain age, I am fully aware of Diana's correct title, thanks. It was drummed into us, in my case by an editor (long ago and far away, you understand) who decreed that Prince Charles's wife would only ever appear in his newspaper as "Diana, Princess of Wales." The edict lasted about a fortnight, not through any simmering republicanism on the sub-editors' desk but because a "Princess Di" headline fitted on the page a lot better than her full title.

FOR similar reasons, some subs regret the passing of the neat, but frankly offensive "Yuppie Flu." Have you ever tried fitting "myalgic encephalomyelitis " into two columns?

AS regular readers will be aware, today's medical certainty is tomorrow's myth. Following the latest research suggesting news that alcohol may offer protection from the commonest lifestyle disease, I'm just off for a couple of pints of anti-diabetes potion or, as we used to call it, Old Speckled Hen.

ALWAYS read the small print. A reader tells me he bought a new electric fire. The flex was far too long, so he cut it to reach the nearest socket and re-connected the plug. Job done. Then he read the user guide and discovered that, by removing the plug, he had invalidated the two-year warranty.

YOU have to smile at the attempts to rouse the Brits to Brexit-fury by threatening them with the appalling prospect of eating American chlorine-washed chicken or hormone-plumped beef. The Brits have a long and distinguished history of eating the cheapest, greasiest, saltiest, nastiest rubbish they can find. This, remember, is the nation that chomped its way through tons of "beef" which turned out to be horsemeat, and didn't even notice. As for washing chickens in chlorine, we already wash our hands, face, teeth, plates and cutlery in chlorinated tapwater, so what's the big deal? And faced with the question "would you like a beefburger plumped up with hormones?" the average British consumer's only concern will be: "Does it come with chips?"

MORE of your tales on the battle of the sexes. A reader tells me he called an old friend and asked what he was doing. The reply was: "I'm working on aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". Washing the dishes with his wife.

WHAT an amazingly mild year. On the last day of July we picked a ripe fig from the tree in our garden. Despite Brexit.