Peter Rhodes: A pair of mugwumps

MILITARY mysteries of our time. A reader watched a TV documentary about a United States nuclear submarine. Why he asks, 100 metres underwater in a steel tube, do the crew wear camouflaged combat kit?

WALLIS Simpson, the American divorcee who stole King Edward VIII, supposedly said: “A woman can never be too rich or too thin,” although no-one seems to know when or where she said it. But authentic or not, those words can well be applied to owners of the latest generation of flying cars, which are the stuff of dreams. The Kitty Hawk Flyer, unveiled a few days ago, is an electric powered drone capable of carrying a single person. It looks terrific until you notice two things. Firstly, the price has not been disclosed, which suggests it is enormous. Secondly, the woman pilot is enviably slender. This is a plaything for light people with heavy wallets.

CONCERNS about Tim Farron's religious beliefs centre on his attitude to gay sex. But there are bigger issues. If you are an evangelical Christian – or a fundamentalist of any faith - and do not hear the word of God, then you're not doing it properly. And if you do hear the word of God, you shouldn't be allowed anywhere near politics.

AN alleged Italian terrorist with alleged links to alleged members of the alleged Mafia has been allowed to remain in the UK by a British judge, despite being allegedly convicted in his alleged absence in an Italian court for alleged robbery and firearms offences in 1986. I would just like to put on record my admiration of such an enlightened and progressive ruling by the English courts, and point out the large number of “allegeds” in this item. I don't want a horse's head in my bed, thanks.

ANOTHER bank holiday. It takes me back to 1981 when I covered the wedding of Charles and Diana in St Paul's and stayed the night before in a hotel near Green Park in London. The chatter in the bar that night was not the sort of stuff the Buckingham Palace fairytale-wedding machine wanted to hear. One lady said the age difference was too big. Another reminded us that in the engagement-ring photos, Diana's fingernails were gnawed with worry. But the abiding memory is of the angry company boss at the bar, complaining bitterly that just because a public holiday had been declared, he was expected to give his employees a day off on full pay. It is very kind of Jeremy Corbyn to promise us four more bank holidays if he wins the June 8 General Election - but who's going to pay for them?

BORIS Johnson's term of abuse for Corbyn is not that unusual. When my brother and I were pre-schoolers, Dad often referred to us, not unkindly, as “you pair of mugwumps.”

MANY years later, watching The Last of the Mohicans, I assumed that Mugwump was the name given to the big, bad, wicked Huron chief. Turned out he was actually called Magua, played brilliantly by the Cherokee actor Wes Studi who is a natural for such parts, being blessed with a face like a sackful of tomahawks.