Peter Rhodes: Totally immersed in London

INTO the abyss. On the edge of the unknown. A leap in the dark. Have you noticed how all the apocalyptic headlines about Britain leaving the EU this week could be just as well applied to any country joining the EU?

INDEED, history may record that Britain's greatest gift to Europe was to warn the nations now queuing up to join the EU that getting out is not a simple matter, as we were assured for 40 years, but well-nigh impossible. Once you're in, you're in and before the welcoming fanfares are even over, the gates are locked behind you.

YOU know how it is when you watch Channel 4 News and think, what planet are these people from? Night after night, Jon Snow and his team report stories that don't interest us and hold studio discussions that seem utterly irrelevant to us and most of our friends. Why this vast disconnect between them and us? All is revealed in a government review of the publicly-owned channel which tells us that C4 has more than 800 staff - but fewer than 30 are based outside central London. Metro news for metro folk.

IT has started. A Daily Telegraph reader sees a peacock butterfly in late March and asks: “Is this a record?” Expect more of the same as readers everywhere report spring arrivals, from butterflies to cuckoos. They always end with the question: “Is this a record?” Every claim reminds me of the line from Round the Horne when a reader inquired: “Sir.- I have a 12-inch grooved plastic disc with a hole in the middle. Is this a record?”

AN 80-something reader hits back at the report of old 'uns being wary of using cashpoints in case they hold up younger users. He tells another tale, of young 'uns causing the hold-ups: “In goes the card and, oops, it's maxed out. He tries another card. Same result. Checks the account balance. Turns to his mate: 'Got your card?' Then the performance starts all over again.”

I WROTE earlier this week about actor Mark Rylance supporting a tax system which would allow conscientious objectors not to pay income tax for defence spending. A reader writes: “In my view we should not be obliged to subsidise the arts from our taxes.” Over to you, Mr Rylance.

“MERCATOR projection” may ring a bell from your school-days geography lessons. It is the commonest format used to portray the globe of the world as a flat map. Unfortunately, Mercator distorts the continents, shrinking Africa and enlarging Europe and North America. Schools in Massachusetts are now introducing maps based on the more accurate Peters projection. Pupils are reportedly astonished to discover how big Africa really us, and how much smaller is the United States. And our homeland? The British Isles appears as a little outcrop tucked away almost on the roof of the world. Such a tiny, insignificant place. So why does the rest of the world speak our language?

THANKS for your tips on getting cats to use cat flaps. My sympathies with the owner whose moggie got the hang of the flap almost instantly but now sits outside and uses it as a rattle to alert the humans to open the kitchen door. Who's training whom?