Mark Andrews: A 'major incident', rats the size of cats, and how to put equal pay claim to the test

It's now a major incident. And some are now warning that it could be escalated to a 'public health emergency'. Give it a month or so, and they'll be putting Brum into lockdown, and the council leader will be giving sombre television addresses ordering the public to wear face masks.

The 'major incident' , of course, is the Birmingham bin strike, which means some bins may have gone unemptied for four weeks. But there's nothing public officials like more than deploying a bit of serious-sounding hyperbole to justify emergency powers.

What is odd, though, is that when the council announced last year that it would only be emptying bins once a fortnight, it was billed as a way to reduce costs, improve service reliability, and address the council's financial crisis. But leave them unemptied for four weeks, and it's a 'major incident'.

 *****

The bin strike has brought that hoary old cliche about 'rats the size of cats' out of the woodwork. 

But now the strike has become a 'major incident', Brum's supposed top rat-catcher is upping the ante. Will Timms reckons he has seen one 'the size of a dog', measuring 22in from nose to tail. And it's in the Daily Star, so it must be true.

It reminds me of the old joke about the tedious American tourist on holiday in Australia, who bored his travel guide rigid by boasting about how everything was bigger in the States.

At least he did until he noticed a kangaroo bounding past.

"I'll give yer this though," he drawled. "Your grasshoppers are a bit bigger than ours."

*****

According to Mr Timms, the 'ginormous' rats are bulking up on protein from food waste left in the street.

“People would chuck their kebabs on the floor, and the rats would eat them and grow considerably," he says.

And I wonder how much of that is the problem. I don't doubt that the bin strike is an inconvenience, but what sort of filthy scutter throws kebabs on the floor? 

*****

It seems the main reason for declaring a 'major incident' is that it might mean Birmingham Council can call on the services of neighbouring authorities to help clear the backlog. Let's hope it has no impact on services in, say, Sandwell, Lichfield or Walsall.  

I'm sure there is an easier solution, though, that won't impinge on Birmingham's neighbours. You might remember that the city council's financial problems largely stem from a ludicrous court ruling which decided that, in defiance of the laws of supply and demand, office cleaners and clerical assistants should be paid exactly the same as binmen.

Well now is surely the time to put that to the test. After all, if emptying the bins is no more onerous than, say, vacuuming an office or filing paperwork, I'm sure those workers who fought so valiantly for equality of pay will be more than happy to step into the breach.