Mark Andrews: Nice guy Ollie gets a helping hand from Uri Geller, local government speak for beginners, and why I can't get excited by the new Ford Capri
All set for the big game then? And according to Uri Geller, it is him we have to thank for Ollie Watkins's dramatic late winner against the Netherlands.
The celebrity spoon bender claims he channelled his energy into Ollie's boots in the seconds before he scored.
Which sounds pretty impressive. Were it not for the fact that Uri supports Exeter City.
He hasn't channelled much of his energy, there?
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One of the things I have always liked about Ollie Watkins is his apparent lack of any type of celebrity ego. You never see pictures of him in outlandish outfits or driving tasteless cars, nor do you read any lurid tales about his off-the-field behaviour.
Just a quiet-living, regular guy who does his talking on the pitch.
Unless, of course, his new-found fame leads to him leaving Aston Villa for more glamorous climes. In which case, I reserve the right to change my opinion entirely.
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Back in the 1970s, the Ford Capri was the poor man's Aston Martin, a glamorous coupe in reach of the average motorist.
Now 38 years after the model was discontinued, the Capri is back. But Ford has announced the famous name will be revived for what must surely be one of the most boring cars on the road. A dreary electric 'sports utility vehicle' – motor-trade speak for a minibus – with all the allure of a colonic irrigation session.
It's the same with the modern Jaguars. The company used to make some of the most beautiful cars in the world, the E-Type, the XJ or the XJS. Now it churns out boring hatchbacks which could just as easily come from Hyundai or Nissan.
Modern life isn't half sapping the joy out of motoring, is it?
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Local government speak for beginners.
Transport for West Midlands says Dudley's £24 million interchange – bus station to you and me – aims to 'better connect' the town to region-wide job and leisure opportunities. Which I think roughly translates to 'there's nothing left in town, so this will make it easier to go somewhere else'.
Anyhow, West Midlands Combined Authority says the new bus station, which is supposed to open next June, is "essentially still on course". Which sounds suspiciously like they're laying the ground for delays.
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The new Prime Minister has attracted criticism over his decision not to appoint a minister for veterans, while creating two separate ministers for women.
A bit harsh, I think. After all, he probably needs one minister for women with penises, and another for those without.
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Meanwhile, it's good to see the Tories all pulling together in the wake of their defeat.
Frontrunner Kemi Badenoch says Suella Braverman is having 'very public nervous breakdown', and that former Montgomeryshire MP Craig Williams is 'a buffoon'.
Presumably, she's the unity candidate.
