Mark Andrews – Making German more inclusive, a sticky situation for the World Cup, and why I agree with Paul
Kudos to Cambridge University for tackling one of the great injustices of our age.
The esteemed institution is modernising the German language by getting rid of its appalling, outdated gendered nouns, to bring it in line with the inclusive, gender-fluid world we all seek to live in.
One idea is replacing sexist singular nouns with their trendier plural equivalents.
The university also suggests making feminine German nouns gender-neutral by placing an asterisk – or "gender star" – before the suffix.
However, this still leaves the age-old pronoun conundrum.
"Relative and other pronouns are obligatorily marked for grammatical gender, so going gender-free is difficult to achieve," teachers warn.
Marking students down for poor grammar? What century are they in?
Predictably, these progressive efforts have been criticised by knee-jerk reactionaries. They say if you start messing around with these things, no-one will understand what you are talking about. Some even say it is not proper German.
"If a non-native speaker tried to use gender-neutral German while on holiday they would stand a good chance of making a fool of themselves," says linguist Oliver Baer.
You won't be too surprised to hear that Oliver is German. Typical Jerry, telling us what to do. And why don't they speak English anyway?
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Planning to get your children the Panini World Cup sticker album? It might prove expensive.
The stickers, which cost a shilling for a pack of four when introduced in 1970, are now 90p for a pack of five.
And there are now 670 stickers to collect. Experts reckon it will likely cost you £883.80 to fill the book.
I'm surprised it's not more. Particularly if it is anything like the old days, when every packet seemed to contain at least three Derek Stathams.
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DJ turned militant cyclist Jeremy Vine, who rides around with a camera on his hat, has published an online video featuring a Bentley driver called Paul, who he believes failed to show him due deference in Kensington.
Having seen the video, my sympathies lie largely with Paul.
Yes, his driving left something to be desired. But it followed Vine and four other cyclists deliberately grouping together to impede his progress. Vine also wilfully hogged the outside lane to prevent Paul from overtaking.
People like Vine do their cause no favours. All his silly video proves is that (a) he has a massive chip on his shoulder about people in expensive cars, and (b) if you keep goading people, sometimes they will lose their temper.
