Mark Andrews on Saturday: Raising eyebrows, identity politics, and the Queen's grocer gets woke

I'm in a quandary. Can't decide whether or not to have my eyebrows threaded and tinted.

It seems to be the way to go at the moment, but there are a few pros and cons to weigh up.

On the downside, it doesn't sound a very pleasant experience, will presumably cost more money than I want to spend, and will almost certainly make me look even more of a drongo than normal. That certainly appears to be the experience of Sydney Woy – she's a girl by the way – who this week posted a video on TikTok voicing concerns that her eyebrows look like they have been drawn on with a 'Sharpie'. Isn't that the whole point of such treatments?

Refreshingly, unlike some of the more narcissistic social media 'influencers' who resort to self-indulgent hyperbole, Syd's broadcast has been proportionate and tasteful.

"I hope my next breath is my last," she responded, demonstrating great taste, maturity and tact. And looking at the the positives of this questionable procedure, Syd's video has received 5.9 million views, which is about the same as Coronation Street manages these days. And they say there is no quality entertainment around today...

Talking of tasteless hyperbole, we have the 'rebel' MP Marcus Fysh who says asking people to show proof of vaccination before being allowed into a nightclub is akin to life in "Nazi Germany".

"We are not a 'papers, please' society," he declared. Which seems a little bit odd. Because if he asked the average 18- or 19-year-old who actually frequents nightclubs, he would probably be told that is exactly what such establishments are. Try getting in without the right ID. Indeed, I was asked to remove my mask to verify my age when buying a couple of bottles of brown ale last week. Which did surprise me, and not just for the fact that I am, shall we say, a few decades past the age when such confirmation is usually required. The oddest thing was surely that, having worn the mask for ages while studiously keeping my distance from anybody, I was asked to take it off when I was standing opposite the checkout assistant.

Meanwhile, it is reported that the Queen's grocer, Fortnum & Mason has gone woke, offering customers the option to be addressed by the 'gender-neutral' honorific 'Mx' alongside the standard Mr, Mrs and Miss, as well as the more exalted Dr, Brigadier, and Baron.

Whatever next? Surely it's only a matter of time before they start addressing Prince Charles as "Their Royal Highness".