Mark Andrews: Swamped universities, a whole Lottie trouble, and stimulating the census

While the lowering of standards is certainly a concern, but I'm not totally convinced demand for places will be as high as some are thinking. I can't help but think that after a year of watching other students borrowing £10,000-plus to be locked in a tiny room watching online-video lectures, many of them will seriously question whether university is all it's cracked up to be.

Trouble is, there aren't many jobs around either.

* * *

Lottie Lion, the teenage librarian who appeared in the 2019 series of The Apprentice, says her appearance on the show has ruined her life and resulted in her signing up to a 'sugar daddy' website to fund her luxury lifestyle.

"I don't want an average life," she says. "I thought maybe being on there could buy me a bag or a holiday."

And they say romance is dead.

It always struck me as rather odd at the time that a programme supposedly about finding Britain's brightest entrepreneurs – and which I'm sure would have had tens of thousands of applicants – ended up selecting a 19-year-old librarian, and she raises a fair point that she was far too young to handle the pressure.

It is interesting to see, though that she is no longer working as a librarian, but says she does have a spot of work as an online 'influencer'. Yeah, right. Is there a millennial around today who doesn't think they should be earning a living by putting pictures of themselves on social media?

Sorry Lottie, but you really need to get real. And the 'average life' you so despise is a sight more dignified than pimping yourself on sugar daddy websites in the hope of getting a new handbag.

And I'm assuming that the new business she was seeking a £250,000 investment for hasn't gone quite to plan, then?

* * *

For the first time, this weekend's census will be conducted predominantly online. Paper forms will be available for those who ask for them, but there is no doubt about the direction people are being nudged in.

This makes me profoundly uncomfortable, and makes me wonder about how accommodating the 2031 census will be for those who choose to remain off-grid.

As far as I'm concerned the internet is a non-essential service, and people should not be coerced into using it if they don't wish to. At the moment I do have internet access, but who's to say, next time the survey comes around and I am not working from home, I might have decided it is something I can do without?

I was tempted to ask for a paper copy just out of sheer-bloody mindedness. But then I came to my census.

* * *

People have also been warned that while they do not have to answer questions about their sexual orientation or religion, it is a criminal offence to give false answers.

Which is interesting. Because at the 2011 census, 176,632 people gave their religion as Jedi Knights.

* * *

And maybe next time, they should consider giving jailbirds their own version. They could call it the con-census. I'm here until Monday.