Mark Andrews: In Iceland, no-one can hear you scream

A lot has been made of how the NHS will cope if a second wave of coronavirus strikes this winter, just in time to coincide with an outbreak of seasonal flu.

That of course, will be on top of the backlog of people with existing conditions who will be returning to the hospitals, clinics and GP surgeries as life returns to normal.

No doubt Rishi will be able to solve all this by another trip to the orchard and a raid on his Magic Money Tree. But when he does so, he might want to take an extra basket with him for another likely pressure on the NHS – an epidemic of back trouble.

After months of working from home, hunched over tiny laptop computers, possibly at unsuitable desks and sitting in the wrong chairs, how many people are now finding themselves with back problems?

According to a new study by the Institute of Employment Studies, more than half of those surveyed reported an increase in aches and pains since lockdown. Don't be surprised if a few months from now, doctors' surgeries are packed with folk struggling to stand up straight.

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She's coming home, she's coming home, I'm sure you will all join with the Mayor of London Sadiq Khan in celebrating the joyous news that 'Jihadi bride' Shamima Begum will be returning to Britain to fight the decision to revoke her British citizenship.

Sadiq says Miss Begum should come back to Britain to 'face the music' in the UK courts, which will presumably mean a suspended sentence and a spot of community service, unless they can pin a speeding ticket on her.

Mr Khan says: "If a British citizen commits an offence here or overseas they should face justice in the criminal courts." What? So UK jurisdiction now covers the entire world, does it? Sounds suspiciously like British imperialism to me.

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Besides, if Miss Begum is allowed to fight the decision to revoke her citizenship, why does she need to come back here? Since half the country has been working 'remotely' since March, I don't see why she can't follow the proceedings from the comfort of her camp in Syria.

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Feeling frustrated? Iceland is inviting people to get rid of their tensions by recording their screams and having them played over a loudspeaker in a remote part of the country. At least I think it's the country, as opposed to the discount freezer centre, which I suppose would mean playing the sounds in the I-scream aisle.

It is part of an ad campaign by the Icelandic tourism board, which describes it as the “perfect place to let your frustrations out” as it channels the power of “scream therapy”. Boy, if I let my frustrations out, you would probably hear them in Canada.

The big question is, when do they release all these screams on CD? Then again, it would probably just sound like a Bjork album.