Mark Andrews on Saturday: Fast-track to becoming a doctor, and plumbing new Depps
As part of its social-distancing measures, the council installed large barriers on either side of New Street, Dudley, presumably to give shoppers space to queue.
Since the barriers were erected last month, I have not once seen long queues outside the mobile phone shop, the credit union, or any of the assorted takeaways along this road. But I did see an ambulance, blue lights flashing, stuck for several minutes because none of the cars in front had anywhere to pull over.
Coronavirus isn't the only threat to life at the moment.
During his legal proceedings against The Sun, it has been alleged Johnny Depp used his own blood to write messages on a mirror, dragged his former wife Amber Herd around the house by her hair, and celebrated her birthday by throwing a magnum of champagne at her.
The court watched a video of him smashing up his kitchen in a fit of rage, saw photographs of him curled up in a ball after a drug binge, and heard that he threatened to microwave a Yorkshire terrier.
Pictures were also shown of him sat at a table laid ready for 'lunch', with a pint of whisky, a personalised drug box, four lines of coke, and a tampon applicator to help him enjoy the spread.
In reply, Depp claimed his ex defecated their bed as a 'harmless prank'.
The actor says he is taking legal action to clear his name. Not sure it's doing the trick, Johnny.
In today's virtue-signalling world, it was inevitable our universities would be clamouring to offer Marcus Rashford an honorary doctorate.
Certainly, he is to be commended for his work with the charity Fareshare, which has provided nearly four million meals for children living in low-income families, and it is clearly a subject dear to his heart.
I am less convinced by his 'open letter' that persuaded the Government to provide children with free school meals during school holidays; it is very easy for a multi-millionaire to call for ministers to splash the cash, but it's the ordinary working taxpayer who will foot the bill. Still, his heart is in the right place, and it is refreshing to see somebody remembering their roots and giving back to the community.
But imagine you are a student at Manchester University, coming towards the end of your doctorate. You will have spent seven, eight, maybe 10 years studying, living in squalid digs, and running up tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt in the hope that you will get a qualification that means something. Then you read that your university has awarded a 22-year-old footballer the same honour for a few months' work. I think I would feel pretty cheated.
The window fitters are coming next week, and no, the Chancellor won't be chipping in five grand towards the cost. I arranged to have double glazing fitted last month, before Mr Sunak's freebies-for-all mini-budget.
They say timing is everything. And I'm clearly useless at it.
