Bizarre ideas, un-costed policies, clashing egos – these characters could have a fine future in politics
Who'd have thought it? Politicians offering simplistic solutions to global events. Off-the-wall policy ideas dreamt up without thought as to how they would be funded. Bickering and in-fighting as the candidates clash to be the centre of attention.
When we filmed tonight's episode of Make Me Prime Minister back in July, I was astounded by how naive some of the ideas seemed to be.
Three months on, they appear to have become mainstream thinking. While I can't divulge many details, let's just say that some of what seemed the more far-fetched proposals for tackling the energy crisis now appear to have been adopted by both our mainstream political parties.
Well they say a week is a long time in politics.
Tonight's episode of the series, which has been billed as The Apprentice for would-be politicians, will see the, ahem, eclectic mix of candidates hit the road for Shrewsbury, where they will be challenged to find a solution to Britain's energy crisis. Talk of setting folk up for a fail.
If you have been watching the show since it started three weeks ago, you will be familiar with many of the candidates by now. There's Lucy, the young blonde who sees herself as the heir to Margaret Thatcher, although I think this may have been done before. There's Jackie Weaver, the Shropshire parish council clerk who briefly became an internet sensation when she took control of a meeting that was getting out of hand.
Adam Kirby is the silver-haired advertising executive from Saatchi and Saatchi. There's also Kelly, a diversity campaigner and Scottish Nationalist with the huge glasses, Rico, also a diversity officer, Holly a former footballer, and Natalie a medical communications officer. And don't forget Conall, the self-styled "Ralph Lauren connoisseur", who you can't help but think would have been happier on The Apprentice.
But the star of the show so far must surely be 'DFP' or Danny F***ing Price, as he likes to style himself. The foul-mouthed son of Wolverhampton-born DJ Goldie, Danny can probably consider himself lucky to be in this week's episode, following a less-than-glorious stint as 'prime minister' in last week's crisis-management task.
DFP began his time in charge by boasting about that what he lacked in academic qualifications, he made up for with honesty and integrity. Then minutes later, when one of his gung-ho policies started to backfire, his press secretary was telling barefaced lie after barefaced lie as he tried to cover it up. Undeterred, he responded to his next challenge – a cyber attack which was '66 per cent likely' to have originated in a friendly country – by launching a missile assault, potentially starting an outbreak of war. He's a bit of a geezer, our Danny.
Disappointingly, we had to manage without Caroline, the middle-aged XR crusty who has presumably returned to gluing herself to things after being fired in week two. Which is sad really, I'm sure her take on the energy crisis would have been a joy to behold.
We're also without Darius, the nice-but-naive 23-year-old Afghan refugee, who wanted to slash the education budget so primary school children could be taught in the school yard. And Verity, the 22-year-old restaurant worker whose relationship with the truth caused mayhem in last week's episode.
Of course expecting a bunch of political novices on a reality TV show to solve a crisis which has thus far stumped every leader in the western world was always going to be a tall order.
But let's just say that one or two of them didn't really help themselves. One of the parties breaks the golden rule of politics by making its press secretary the face of the campaign, to the dismay of Alastair Campell, the ex-Labour Party spin doctor who co-presents the show with ex Tory Party chairman Sayeeda Warsi. Two members of the same party visibly clash in the middle of a media interview. And one of the candidates learns how it rarely pays to answer a journalist back – because guess who decides how it is reported?
The candidates also had to present their case in the centre of Shrewsbury on a busy Friday afternoon, and let's just say there were one or two interesting interactions with the public – some of which were handled surprisingly well.
Would I vote for any of them? Probably not on this showing, maybe they were having an off-day. As Alastair Campbell says ahead of tonight's double firing, 'there's a case for getting rid of all of them'.
Then again, we live in strange times. And maybe they're no worse than some of our real-life politicians.
As Billy Connolly famously said: "Don't vote, it only encourages them."
*Make Me Prime Minister is on Channel 4 tonight, at 9.15pm.
