Dan Morris: It’s a pirate’s life for me, me hearties!

The curiosity and bewilderment was, I’m sure, quickly reflected from his eyes in my own. Another man had never asked me a more troubling question.

The great Sir Billy Connolly once said: “Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on.” Now there’s a bloke you can set your watch by. This wonderful quote from the ‘Big Yin’ himself immediately resonated in my mind when my chosen attire was questioned by the perplexed soul in front of me as I proudly showed off the photographs depicting the weekend’s cheeky debauchery.

It was a Monday only a few weeks ago, and the Saturday before a few friends and I had attended a local Oktoberfest event.

Our official premise was the celebration of one of our number’s 30th birthday, though the unofficial line – which everyone was more than obliging with – was to paint the town as crimson as we could. Or at the very least, a striking shade of blood-orange beige.

Our cohort was comprised of 16 hardened warriors; men and women from all walks of life, united to give our friend – and inevitably our respective livers – a good ole’ party.

To give the day an extra-special flavour, and to ensure we would all be the belles of the ball, we opted to dip our toes in the fancy dress pool. For some this was new territory. For me, it was like riding a bike… And a well-oiled velocipede at that.

In accordance with the theme of the day, the general consensus was that the lads opt for lederhosen, and the lasses – ‘Bavarian beer girl’. Naturally.

This was a good safe bet, particularly for the gents who could, literally ‘belt and braces’, piece together a passable pseudo-lederhosen from clobber already residing in their wardrobes.

The premise was great, but if you’re gonna’ do fancy dress – do it fancy.

Years ago I’d developed an obsession with a particular costume at my local fancy dress hire shop. The obsession grew in to a love affair – very much mutual, I assure you – and after renting said costume for the sixth time, the delightful proprietress asked if I would like to cut out the middle-man and, as she so eloquently put it, “just buy the bleedin’ thing”.

Suffice to say I bit her arm clean off, and became the proud owner of a deluxe outfit paying tribute to one of my greatest modern-day cinematic heroes; the one, the only, Captain Jack Sparrow… Savvy?

It’s fair to say that said costume has had plenty of mileage over the years. There was once a wonderful rumour going around this very newspaper that I wore it to my job interview. I can neither confirm nor deny… But it always helps to stand out, doesn’t it?

Every party, every social gathering, and every envelope-opening I’ve attended in the last eight years, Jack has made it onto the outfit shortlist. Oktoberfest would be no exception, and the winning ensemble was an easy play to call.

With that, I buckled my boots, braided my wig, ‘guy-linered’ up, and got my Johnny Depp on.

The land-lubbers of course had expected nothing less, and as I boarded the minibus that would transport us to a day of happy revelry, my lederhosen-clad compadres grinned, laughed, rolled their eyes, and then we all got on with it.

It was a brilliant day, full of song, soul, street food and even sangria. And – being a bit of a wallflower of course – I revelled in every opportunity to join an array of swashbuckling strangers for a photo, a drink and a dance.

It was a fantastic outing for ‘The Captain’, as indeed it always is. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a deep and unabiding love for fancy dress. My father in fact threw quite a large spotlight on this once by labelling one of my wardrobe drawers as ‘wigs and weird pants’. We’ve all got issues. But on that day, I truly remembered why fancy dress has always brought a grin to my face and a warmth to my heart.

No one, whoever they are, should ever completely grow up. Life throws you lemons, and when that happens, it’s commendable to be sensible and try to make lemonade. But sometimes – just sometimes – you need to chop those lemons, find the salt shaker, and order a round of tequila.

As much as the pressures of the daily grind may weigh heavily on the shoulders of us all, everybody has an inner child waiting to be indulged, let out, and given the reins every now and again.

It keeps you focused, keeps you sane, and reminds you what you’ve been doing all of it for this whole time.

When Sir Billy suggested he would question the character and fortitude of any man who didn’t road test a tea cosy hat when nobody was looking, I like to think this was what he was talking about.

However old you are, give you’re inner child a gig, even if no one else is there to enjoy it.

But – and in true respect to the Big Yin – I’d go one further. Sometimes it’s good to show the whole world your tea cosy. Most of us are the same, and the rest of the world will probably stand on a chair and show you its tea cosy too.

When the Right Honourable gentleman asked me that question on that fateful Monday morning, part of me felt quite a bit sorry for him. Why dress like a pirate? Because the eight-year-old boy in me has to. That, ladies and gentlemen, is my tea cosy. And it’s a proud one at that.

Anyone who asks that question needs to be kind to themselves, and find a tea cosy of their own.

In time, I’m sure he will. In fact, as I type, I can see him browsing the wares of the local fancy dress boutique online.

Halloween is coming up, and if fancy dress is your thing, it’s a great chance to let your inner kid out to play.

And whether you opt for a pumpkin, a princess, a pagan, or, indeed, a pirate, remember one all-important thing…

We’re only here once… And we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.

Hard to starboard!